Today sucks/sucked. I’m tired of missing things. There’s so much to be grateful for, but it’s slipping through the cracks because I’m too concerned with other shit. I’ve forgotten my dreams; living in the moment too much in a bad way. I won’t/can’t be settling, forgetting, faking, failing. Back to the basics; back to concentrating on me and only me. My dreams aren’t gonna wait for me anymore.
XXOO
Saint Edith Stein, pray for us.
Truth.
Today was wonderful. Family, friends, swimming, bbq, my sweet niece and nephew, and just all over wonderfulness. I never knew how much I could love two precious little babies as much as I love Hailey and Owen. I’ve always loved kids, and have always wanted to have a bunch (I loveee the idea of a big, cute Catholic family:)), but it’s hard to express how much love you can have for someone without having your own niece or nephew or baby. It’s different, but so perfect.
This was such a long weekend filled with the following: shopping, dinner with mom (always fun/funny), baseball
(loveee watching it), the wreck with ash, taking the roof off our gazebo (like a boss), the Watson’s mac and cheese (sooo bomb), a game night, mr. heads with my sissy and the boys, mass, coffee, math and margs :) heyooo, friend time, coffee, swimming, anddd, soccer. Sooo crazy to think about all that I did this weekend. Boss.
Life is okay. I guess it could get better, but the better I’m thinking of could cause chaos and limits..so for now I’ll choose my battles wisely and leave things as is. After all, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right? We’ll see how long this mentality lasts.
XXOO Godspeed
Saint Gianna, pray for us.
It’s funny how much time and effort we can overfill something with. Call it good, call it bad - it’s what happens to us all at some point.
Oxytocin - the bonding hormone.
I once heard someone talk about this, but from the point of view of if you are constantly making these bonds with numerous people, how strong will your bond be able to be with the one. Soooo interesting to think about. Like every time you begin to like someone/date someone (touch, hug, kiss, etc.) this bond is being given out. And then when you break up and no longer are around this person your body is like umm what the eff? How much of that can we keep doing until our bonding runs out or simply weakens? Of course we have so many hormones and all you science people are probably thinking, duh, never. But are you thinking from also the emotional side? The side where numbness comes from?
Just food for thought, I suppose.
Thank God for complexity and being able rebuild and restart.
XXOO Godspeed
Saint Helena, pray for us.
Life is weird right now. I feel like comparing where I was last year to where I am right now is like night and day. Perhaps all the new things and new people and new experiences are needed, but it’s just the change I didn’t see coming. I am 22 and still looking for the right guy, the right path, the right life. I guess it’s the constant search that keeps us from getting bored and stagnant and it helps breathe new life into us every single day. Each persons life is simply a breath, a precious gift that God gave to each of us. A gift that we forget or rarely think about until we’re struggling from it’s loss, for good or bad reasons. I’m trying to see things in a new light this time around; trying to figure out the best way to live this life and to embrace this time. I have been invited to six different weddings this summer which is weird to me - when did we all grow up? I love weddings and the feeling I get when I go to a wedding is surreal. It’s just the beginning for the new couple and their future is ideal and exciting at the moment and it’s just what I want someday. To be the one standing in a wedding dress having everyone watch you is just the shoes I want to fill. I pray that God brings me someone to have this beautiful day with. I hope he’s kind, smart, funny, daring, full of faith, full of life, and happy. Happy just to be with me, happy with who I challenge him to become, happy with our endeavors, happy with us. I hope he challenges me to be more than what I’ve ever been, that he keeps me from settling on all the things in life we should never settle on, and that he most importantly leads me to Heaven. For now patience is needed, for nothing good ever comes from rushing. XXOO
She is bright lights and cityscapes
I’m white lies that care for gates
And she’ll take all you ever have
But I’m gonna love you
You say maybe it will last this time
But I’m gonna love you
You never have to ask
I’m gonna love you
‘Till you start looking back
I’m gonna love you
So right
I wouldn’t need a second chance
Everyone keeps asking me this lately so I will clarify it for you. My name = Bri-ANna, not ONna..and if one more person calls me Brittany, which is NO WHERE close to the two, I swear, come on, people. I really don’t care which you use because I have been called the ONna so many times now and I hate to correct people, so I just don’t. But, to be honest, I secretly think the people that either ask how to say it or actually listen when I say it, make me feel like they care more.
Please God give me patience for this life and all the people who invariably challenge me in it.
Love thy neighbor as thyself - can’t be done unless you love yourself first. “Now you’re just somebody that I used to know…”
(Source: southern-socialite, via you-can-let-your-hair-down)
It’s been that kinda week.
Going to bed to start a brand new, much better one….XXOO
I literally could cry here in Starbucks.
There is a homeless man that has walked around the outside of the store at least five times. I sat here watching him walk around and around and thought about the best thing I could do for him, seeing that I have absolutely no cash on me to give him. I finally decided to get up and buy him a venti coffee and venti water. As he walked around once more, I ran outside and gave it to him. He thanked me and asked for a quarter. Telling him I had no cash on me sucked and even though it is the truth, I still feel awful. I just wish I could do more.
Thanks for the slap in the face, God. I really needed it.
My life is about to turn into chaos, but it’s for the best. Starting next Wednesday I will A. be working five days a week, B. be teaching high school and confirmation on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, C. continue being a full time student, and D. start doing more photography work…oh and let’s not forget the on going search of my future school for next year…and studying for the GRE. Yay.
Recently I’ve been trying to really commit to what I want to do with my life. I have two choices as of now…I either open a studio and do photography (weddings, babies, families, events, blah, blah, blah.) or I go to Physical Therapy school and get my doctorate and become a PT. Both are exciting and both are risky. Photography is something that people love or hate. I can’t make someone who isn’t in love with my work fall in love with it, no matter how hard I try. It’s risky, but I love it. Physical Therapy isn’t such a risk, but the 70 grand a year for three years makes me cringe. Of course I’ll be able to payback all my loans eventually, and everyone struggles after their first few years right out of college, I know this, but it’s scary. I could also do both, but focus most on PT and then shoot when I have time, but let’s be realistic, I won’t have time. Idk…it’s all just ideas so far.
I think that I have been changing so much lately. Like my mentality about things and life isn’t the same. I think they’re good changes, for the most part. I think I’m actually growing and stepping forward into bigger things that are going to be important for my future. And as unsure I am about deciding on what I really want to do, I am 100% certain that I will achieve whatever it is that I decide on and that I will be successful…but more importantly, happy. Success to me is not going to be measured by the money I make, the things I have, or the luxuries, but rather who I’m with, the love I have for what I’m doing, and the respect I get and give. I want weekends of day trips and making memories, and Sunday mornings filled with coffee and reading the paper, going to mass, and family dinner. I don’t think that these things are silly “dreams”, but rather soulful necessities. After all, the love we give and the love we get is all that really matters. Love makes the memories we can look back on, it frames our lives.
“For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof; the work for which all other work is but preparation.”